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Month: July 2024

Unger the Influence

Rolling Stones Announce New More Youthful Lead Singer Joe Biden

July 21, 2024 Andrew

LONDON, UK It didn’t take long for President Joe Biden to find a new job–lead singer of legendary rock band The Rolling Stones. “You can’t always get what you want and Mick was getting long […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Desperately Hoping He Can Make it to Deacons Corner

July 20, 2024 Andrew

DEACONS CORNER, MB Area man Steve Froese, 41, was at a Fringe Fest performance by The Naked Mennonite this afternoon, when he realized he didn’t have enough gas to make it all the way back […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Watches 72 Consecutive Hours of Hoof Trimming Videos

July 18, 2024 Andrew

RIVERTON, MB It all started with one click on the Hoof GP and three days later Martha Dueck of Riverton was still there. “I don’t know what it is but I can’t stop watching,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Pipeline to Supply Calgary With Toronto Water

July 17, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON More than $12 billion will be spent to repurpose an old oil pipeline to send excess water from flooded Toronto all the way out to Calgary where they need it. “It’s about time […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Woman to Spend Entire Summer Posting Pictures of Her Feet

July 14, 2024 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB In an effort to show that she is truly relaxed and enjoying the season, area woman Ruth Wiens, 47, is planning to post pictures of her feet and/or legs every evening for the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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