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Month: July 2024

Unger Games

Mennonite Man Medals in Synchronized Baptisms

July 31, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE It was a historic moment for the Canadian Olympic team this week as Rylan Wiens and diving partner Nathan Zsombor-Murray won a bronze medal. The moment did not go unnoticed by the folks […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Shocked as Announcers Pronounce ‘Loeppky’ Correctly

July 30, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE It was the most shocking moment in Eric Loeppky’s storied volleyball career, as announcers at the 2024 Olympics actually said his last name right. “It was no trouble growing up in Steinbach,” said […]

Unger Games

Organizers Apologize For Parody of Rembrandt Mennonite Painting During Olympic Opening Ceremony

July 29, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE An alleged mockery of the most sacred painting in the Mennonite art canon has come under fire this week, calling for boycotts of the Olympic games by various Mennonite groups. The painting in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Gets All Her News From The Unger Review

July 28, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB “I don’t even know what’s happening until I see it in The Unger Review,” said Mrs. Brandt of Morden. “It’s basically the only news site these days without a paywall.” Paywalls, coupled with […]

Unger Games

Olympics Add 20 New Swimming Categories to Artificially Boost Michael Phelps’ Medal Count

July 27, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE Concerned that his status as “all-time Olympic medal winner” might fall someday, American officials have successfully petitioned the International Olympic Committee to add upwards of twenty new swimming categories. “With these new additions, […]

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