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Month: March 2022

Unger & Thirst

Massive Shared Chicken Chef to Open Between Morden and Winkler

March 6, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN-WINKLER, MB After the unparalleled success of a shared hospital, the rival southern Manitoba cities of Morden and Winkler have agreed to build a massive Chicken Chef equidistant between the two communities. “The time for […]

Unger Suspicion

Breaking News: No One Cares About Your Wordle

March 5, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mrs. Yoder, who has been faithfully posting her Wordle scores every day on Facebook, was shocked to discover today that literally no one cared. “I’ve committed so much of my life to Wordle […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Writer Starts Lucrative New Business Proofreading Protest Signs

March 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Local Mennonite writer Wilma Thiessen, 41, has started a lucrative new side hustle correcting spelling and grammar on protest signs. “Ah, see, you need two Ps in ‘oppression’ there, Mr. Klassen,” said Thiessen. […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Government Declares Winter Over as of March 1

March 3, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite a preponderance of evidence to the contrary, winter is officially over, according to the Manitoba government who picked March 1 as the “first day of spring.” “What the heck? I’ve still got […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Quick Break From Our Regular Satirical Programming

March 2, 2022 Andrew

A few days ago, just as the war in Ukraine began, I posted this on my Facebook page: A week later, I still feel helpless, and frustrated, and, I will admit, sometimes angry. I think […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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