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Month: April 2021

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Maskers Mistake The Forks for Steinbach

April 25, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of pro-plague protestors gathered at The Forks in Winnipeg this afternoon under the mistaken impression they were actually in Steinbach. “Ahh, it’s great to be here in Steinbach again,” said pro-plague leader […]

Unger Suspicion

Federal Government Borrows $400 Billion from Industrious Mennonite Farmer

April 25, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government just announced a record-setting deficit of nearly 400 billion dollars for the year 2020, which has people wondering just where they’re going to come up with the money. The answer, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple ‘Devastated’ after Narrowly Missing Registration Deadline for Church this Sunday

April 24, 2021 Andrew

YARROW, BC Pamela and Thomas Bueckert of Yarrow, BC put off registering for church on this lovely Sunday morning just long enough that all the spots were taken and they had to spend their morning […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plautdietsch Ranked as ‘World’s Saxiest Accent’

April 23, 2021 Andrew

SCHÖNWIESE, MEXICO Move over French, there’s a new accent in town: Plautdietsch! According to a new survey conducted by Guillermo Toews of Schönwiese, Mexico, Mennonite Low German (aka Plautdietsch) is the “saxiest accent in the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Shortens Sermons to 90 Minutes for the Summer Months

April 22, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Pastor Pete of North Southside Mennonite has graciously decided to shorten his sermons to a more tolerable 90 to 120 minutes for the summer months. “Hey, I know how it is in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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