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Month: April 2020

Unger Suspicion

Local Birds Blissfully Unaware of Global Pandemic

April 18, 2020 Andrew

SPRINGSTEIN, MB More than a dozen robins and two crows congregated on Mrs. Loewen’s yard this week, seemingly blissfully unaware that anything unusual was going on. “I mean I guess Mrs. Loewen’s lawn looks a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Englisher So Hairy He’s Mistaken for a Mennonite

April 17, 2020 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE After not visiting a barber for more than two months, local graphic designer, Dylan Johnson, 23, of Henderson, Nebraska is being mistaken for a Mennonite everywhere he goes. “Oba yo, I’m glad to […]

Unger Games

New ‘Chief Medical Officer’ Trading Cards are Flying Off the Shelves

April 16, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB With no sports to watch at the moment, the provincial Chief Medical Officers have become the nation’s new idols, with children and adults alike enthusiastically following their every move. One local company has […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wears His Wife’s Düak A Bit Too Low

April 14, 2020 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local man Earl Fehr, 48, was sorting through the laundry the other day and found himself the perfect item to protect himself during his visits to the grocery store to buy toilet paper […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quarantined Mennonite Man Plays Brommtopp from Balcony to Entertain Neighbours

April 13, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altonites were in for quite the treat yesterday as renowned brommtopper Mr. Hamm stood on the 16th floor balcony of the Altona Manor and serenaded his fellow quarantined neighbours with a delightful performance […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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