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Month: November 2019

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Family Still Smelling Strongly of Chlorine a Week After Grand Forks Visit

November 16, 2019 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND The Hieberts of Blumenort had a great time at the Come Hither Motor Hotel in Grand Forks last weekend, but are having trouble washing the smell of chlorine from their bodies nearly […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Mock us, please!” Pennsylvania Mennonites Demand Equal Treatment by the Daily Bonnet

November 15, 2019 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Thousands of Pennsylvania Mennonites petitioned the Daily Bonnet this week to be “more inclusive” of their particular idiosyncrasies that they claim are just ripe for mockery. “That website is far too Canadian!” yelled […]

Unger Conviction

Young Mennonite Yells ‘OK Boomer’ During Pastor’s Sermon

November 14, 2019 Andrew

HUTCHINSON, KS Pastor Dave at South Hutchinson Mennonite was right in the middle of extolling the virtues of long dresses and suspenders, when Alexis Pankratz, 22, rolled her eyes and yelled “ok, boomer!” as loud […]

Unger Suspicion

Cal-gary Man Insists He’s from ‘Calgree’

November 13, 2019 Andrew

CAL-GARY, AB Local man and faithful Mennonite church attendee Jeremy Goerzen, 41, has lived in the Whitehorn neighbourhood of Northeast Cal-gary his entire life, yet for some strange reason he still insists on calling the […]

Unger Games

Rogers Demands Sincere-Looking Half-Hearted Apology from Don Cherry

November 12, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Executives at Rogers have had absolutely enough of Don Cherry’s controversial remarks and are demanding that the 85-year-old hockey commentator “meet them half-way” and give “like, you know, at least a sincere-looking half-hearted […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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