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Month: July 2018

Unger Conviction

Pastor Insists on Preaching Exclusively from The Authorized Kevin James Version Bible

July 17, 2018 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Pastor Ron of South Mennonite has been preaching the Word for close to two decades and despite pressure from some of the younger people to “get with the times” he has been adamant […]

Unger & Thirst

Recent Overdoses in Altona May Be Linked to Star Anise

July 17, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Three Mennonite men have been released from Altona Hospital this past week following consumption of Aunt Bertha’s chicken noodle soup which police say may have been laced with excessive amounts of star anise. “This […]

Unger Conviction

Cold Reception in Church Lobby Sparks New Ice Age

July 16, 2018 Andrew

OMAHA, NE The entire state of Nebraska slipped into a new ice age last Sunday after members of Omaha Community Mennonite did their usual thing of talking with their friends and half-heartedly welcoming newcomers. The […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends Entire Summer Sitting in Lawn Chair on Front Lawn Wearing Nothing but Gitch

July 14, 2018 Andrew

SCHANZENBERGENFELD, MB Peter Dueck, 72, of Schanzenbergenfeld has spent all summer, wearing nothing but a pair of white briefs, and sitting in his front lawn staring at his neighbours. In that time, Dueck has consumed […]

Unger Suspicion

Pair of Reimers Go Door-to-Door in Salt Lake City

July 13, 2018 Andrew

SALT LAKE CITY, UT A couple of Reimers from Friesenschanzenfeld have decided to leave the farm behind and go door-to-door in Salt Lake City this summer. “We’re hoping to recruit as many Mormons as possible,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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