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Month: June 2018

The Daily Bonnet

One-‘N’-Bergmans to Battle Two-‘N’-Bergmanns This Sunday Afternoon at Altona Park

June 4, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Bergman(n)s across Southern Manitoba will duke it out this Sunday at Altona Memorial Park. The competition, which consists mostly of feats of strength and Plautdietsch spelling, will decide once and for all how […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited for Latest Instalment in the ‘Harder Boys’ Series

June 3, 2018 Andrew

BLUE CREEK COLONY, BELIZE Mennonites are lining up outside bookstores throughout Belize in anticipation of the new Harder Boys adventure. The books, now numbering several hundred, features wholesome brothers Johnny and Abram Harder who solve […]

The Daily Bonnet

Politically Correct Glossary of Mennonite Terminology

June 2, 2018 Andrew

In the 21st century, even Mennonites need to change. And sometimes that means changing our terminology for various things. In an effort to use more sensitive language and avoid offence, the Daily Bonnet has created […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Government Spends $4.5 Billion on Old Useless Crap From Mrs. Penner’s Garage Sale

June 1, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government announced Tuesday that it would be spending more than four billion dollars of taxpayer money on purchasing “whatever useless crap those Mennonites have for sale at their garage sales this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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