EPSTEIN FILES
The US government has launched a surprise full scale attack on the Epstein Files this weekend.
“We had to strike and strike hard to prevent the Epstein Files from doing any more damage,” said President Trump. “I believe with these attacks we have significantly reduced the Epstein Files capabilities of being a threat to the safety and security of wealthy and influential scumbags across America.”
Missiles and drones struck the Epstein Files this morning causing significant damage as smoke billowed across the files.
“I’m proud to say we’ve done more damage to the Epstein Files than has ever been done before,” said Trump. “My predecessors would never have had the courage to attack the Epstein Files like I have.”
The attack has been met with widespread praise.
“Well, that’s a relief,” said former President Clinton. “I only wish I’d thought of bombing the Epstein Files back in the 90s before they got to be so big and powerful.”