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oil

Unger the Influence

Danielle Smith Announces $334 Billion Plan to Drill for Essential Oils

November 13, 2023 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has just announced a new $334 billion investment in essential oil-drilling, contingent on Alberta getting out of the Canada Pension Plan. “We can handle your pension money. Just trust […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Finally Finds Some Suitable Olive Oil

May 4, 2023 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC As Aganetha Kliewer, 72, of Chilliwack wandered the aisles of the local grocery store this week she was very excited to discovery an olive oil that was seemingly made just for her: extra […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Gas Station to Offer Free Eye-Gouging or Kick in the Groin with Every Purchase

September 26, 2022 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Gas stations across Vancouver are going the extra mile this week by providing each paying customer with a complimentary eye-gouging or kick in the groin. “We’re trying to stand out from the crowd […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Increase Gas Production

March 24, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Fraser Valley gas producer Marty Klassen, 48, is responding to the worldwide oil and gas shortage by ramping up production of his own. “If OPEC isn’t going to do it, then I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Wonder Oil Prices Close in the Negative for First Time in History

April 21, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB When the bell rang to end trading at the Winker Wonder Oil Exchange on Monday afternoon, Mrs. Schellenberg and the others stood in disbelief. “I was in shock! Minus thirty-eight dollars for a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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