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The Daily Bonnet

Homeschool Grad Has Drive-In Ceremony on His Own Driveway

June 19, 2020 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Following the model of high schools across the continent, 19-year-old homeschooler Danny Wiebe of Leamington, Ontario pulled the family minivan onto the driveway this afternoon for his COVID-safe graduation ceremony. “I gave him […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner Kids Have Been Watching Nothing But ‘Frozen 2’ All Day Every Day for the Past Two Weeks

March 30, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Seemingly unable to watch anything else at all these days, the Penner kids of Hillsboro have had Frozen 2 up on the flatscreen Samsung for the past two weeks straight. “Ugh, they’re not […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Artsy’ Mennonite Director to Release Documentary ‘My Vanapag’

February 14, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Guy Martens, an independant film-maker from North Kildonan who specializes in making films “da way ve used to in the good old days before sound took over and ruined averyting,” is set […]

Unger Suspicion

Hollywood Actor Presented with Annual “Even More Self-Righteous than a Mennonite” Award

February 11, 2020 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The annual Hollywood Self-Righteousness Awards were handed out on Sunday, with the top designation ‘Even More Self-Righteous than a Mennonite’ going to actor Joaquin Phoenix. “I’d like to thank the Academy of Unwarranted […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Eats All Her Popcorn Before the Movie Even Starts

February 4, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local woman, Mrs. Unrau, 41, arrived early to see Little Women for the fifth time and decided to order a bag of popcorn. Sadly for Mrs. Unrau, however, the popcorn in question was completely […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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