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Unger Conviction

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Just as US President Donald Trump seems hellbent on starting trade wars (and real wars) around the globe, the Mennonite Brethren and Mennonite Church have inked a brand new free trade deal that […]

Unger Games

Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI

August 16, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Just hours after hitting the championship-winning three-pointer for the Winnipeg Sea Bears this weekend, a massive 50 foot fall bronze statue of Simon Hildebrandt appeared outside his alma matter, Mennonite Brethren Collegiate Institute. […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites are barely surviving this summer after a shortage of cottage cheese has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but I’m just not sure how […]

Unger Suspicion

World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days

August 13, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Janzen impressed everyone in Leamington this afternoon after the ice maker on her brand new refrigerator lasted all the way to mid-week. “I’ve never seen such impressive performance,” said Mrs. Janzen. “Normally […]

Unger Conviction

Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service

August 12, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, an area church well known for its mind-blowing worship hour, is urging parishioners to bring their eclipse glasses along to this weekend’s service. “We’ve heard your cries for more total […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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