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Unger Suspicion

Bono Vows to Fight the Abes Epidemic in Winkler

August 9, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Famed rock singer and humanitarian Bono met with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau this past week to encourage the leader to do something about the Abes epidemic in the small Mennonite city of […]

Unger & Thirst

Vacant Safeway Store to Become One Massive Tim Hortons

August 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Empty since being purchased and shut down by national grocery chain Sobey’s, the old Safeway store in Steinbach is rumoured to be turned into Canada’s largest Tim Hortons restaurant. “There already is a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Rescued After Literally Knitting Herself Into a Corner

August 7, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Martha Toews, 91, of Kitchener was rescued by emergency personnel this weekend from her apartment at Greenhaven Manor after she had inadvertently knitted herself into a corner that she could not escape. “That’s […]

Unger & Thirst

New Steinbach Craft Brewer Forced By Law to Make Root Beer

August 6, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As increasing numbers of people around the world abandon the flavourless swill produced by the large brewing companies, closet Mennonite drinkers, too, have been embracing smaller locally made craft beer. Steinbach, Manitoba, for […]

The Daily Bonnet

World Anabaptist Olympics Begin Today

August 5, 2016 Andrew

CURITIBA, BRAZIL More than three thousand Amish, Hutterite, and Mennonite athletes from around the world are descending on Curitiba, Brazil this week for the opening of the World Anabaptist Games. “We’re very excited that our […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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