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Unger Conviction

Local Mennonite Church Becomes First Ever to Make it All the Way Through ‘Der Friedensfürst’ Without Messing Up

December 22, 2018 Andrew

WITMARSUM, BRAZIL The EMMBC church of Witmarsum, Brazil is in celebration tonight after becoming the first Mennonite church ever to successfully make it through the complex four-part harmonies of ‘Der Friedensfürst‘ without a single screw […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Friesen’s Plumi Moos Now 100% Mouse Free

December 21, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB Mrs. Friesen would like to clear up a misunderstanding that has been going on for years: her world famous plumi moos contains nothing but plums. “It’s vegan,” said Mrs. Friesen. “No mice involved. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Nintendo Releases New Game for Mennonite Children

December 19, 2018 Andrew

MARTENSVILLE, SK Video game giant Nintendo has just released a new 8-bit game called Super Martens Bros. with the intent of capturing the last demographic they did not yet have: Mennonites. “Super Martens Bros. is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Forgets His Apple ID Password Yet Again

December 18, 2018 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Area man Ernie Rempel, 47, had to reset his Apple ID password yet again this morning, after he went to purchase the Hientje Christmas album on iTunes and discovered he no longer […]

Unger & Thirst

Introducing the All New 2019 Toyota Platz

December 17, 2018 Andrew

NAGOYA, JAPAN Toyota has just announced the return of their popular Platz model. Originally only available in Japan in the early 2000s, Toyota has responded to the demands of North American Mennonites and unveiled an […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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