ATLANTA, GA
Mennonite soccer fans across South America were cheering against Argentina this afternoon, only for England to totally “fe’schlucke” at the last minute.
“Diewel, I’ve never seen a team fe’schlucke themselves like that before,” said David Thiessen of Fernheim Colony, Paraguay. “Now I guess I’ll have to cheer for Spain in the finals. I sure hope they don’t fe’schlucke as bad as England did.”
In Witmarsum, Brazil, Mennonite soccer fans were equally upset at the fe’schlucking.
“Waut de schissjat!” yelled Pieta Wiebe when Argentina scored at the last minute. “I never knew England were such terrible fe’schluckers.”
In Swift Current, Bolivia, Susie Wieler tossed her supper at the TV set when Argentina scored.
“I nearly fe’schlucked on this chicken milanese as hard as England fe’schlucked in that semi-final,” said Wieler. “From now on no snacks during the World Cup.”
Reports indicate, the small Mennonite population of Argentina were the only Anabaptists on the continent who were excited to see England fe’schlucke.