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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift Announces Massive Countrywide Tour of Toronto

August 3, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The prayers of Swifties across Canada have been answered this week after Taylor Swift announced a 6-date cross-country tour of the Rogers Centre in Toronto. “We’re sending our tunes all across the nation, […]

Unger Suspicion

‘X’ Rebranded as ‘PG-13’ for Sensitive Mennonites

July 30, 2023 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Realizing he had unintentionally alienated a sizeable chunk of potential users, X CEO Elon Musk has launched a new PG-13 App especially for Mennonites. “Rest assured, there’s not a single exposed ankle or […]

Unger Suspicion

Twitter Unveils New Logo

July 24, 2023 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA There have been a lot changes over at Twitter since Elon Musk took over including, but not limited to, a brand new logo that looks eerily familiar to neighbouring Mennonites over in […]

Unger Suspicion

Jason Aldean Releases Controversial New Song “Try That In A Small Mennonite Town”

July 22, 2023 Andrew

LAIRD, SK Following in the tradition of anti-protest-protest songs like “Oskie from Muskogee,” bro-country superstar Jason Aldean has just released a brand new song that describes the passive aggressive response one might face in a […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks 3 Days Early

July 1, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Residents of Sumas, Washington were completely baffled by the huge display of fireworks over the border in Abbotsford, BC this evening. “What are they doing? Practicing?” pondered Mrs. Schmidt of Sumas. “They had […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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