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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Mastercard Introduces New Dave Ramsey Themed Credit Card

August 21, 2024 Andrew

ANTIOCH, TN Trying to win over legions of Dave Ramsey followers to the supposed benefits of quick and easy credit, Mastercard has just released a new card with Dave Ramsey’s face on it. “It’s part […]

Unger Suspicion

Volkswagen Replaces Key Fob With Giant Red Panic Button

August 18, 2024 Andrew

WOLFSBURG, GERMANY Disappointed that not enough people were accidentally setting off their car alarms, Volkswagen has replaced the entire key fob with one giant red panic button. “Customers were complaining that the placement of the […]

Unger & Thirst

Jennifer Aniston Doused in Schmaunt Fat on Set of ‘The Morning Show’

August 8, 2024 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA According to sources, a group of angry Mennonites from Fresno tossed an ice cream pail full of white cream gravy known as “schmaunt fat” on TV star Jennifer Aniston. “It was totally […]

Unger Suspicion

Vacationing Couple to Spend the Next Two Weeks Standing in Lines All Over Europe

August 5, 2024 Andrew

NEUSCHWANSTEIN, GERMANY The Fehrs of Altona, Manitoba have been saving up for the past three years for their once-in-lifetime chance to stand in lines all over Europe. “Melissa does all the planning,” said Steve. “She’s […]

Unger Suspicion

“Man does not live by bread alone”: Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Quotes Jesus to Defend Price-Fixing Scheme

July 25, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a court ruling found the company guilty of bread price-fixing, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston cited the words of Jesus in defence of the company’s actions. “Man does not live by bread alone,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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