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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Challenges Marie Kondo to Cleaning Competition

February 17, 2019 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN Mrs. Toews, a Holdeman Mennonite from Newton, Kansas believes that Marie Kondo is no match for her cleaning and organizing skills, and has challenged the Japanese cleaning guru to a “good old fashioned […]

Unger Suspicion

New Biopic Reveals Freddie Mercury’s ‘Secret Wild Mennonite Life’

February 16, 2019 Andrew

LONDON, UK A popular new biopic, Blumenort Rhapsody, reveals a side of Freddie Mercury’s life that has remained untold until now. From 1978-1982, the Queen singer secretly lived among the Mennonites of southern Manitoba. “At the […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Beaches to Open This Weekend After Temperatures Soar to -15!

February 13, 2019 Andrew

LAKE WINNIPEG, MB Manitobans have been sporting swimwear this entire week after temperatures reached daytime highs of -15 degrees celsius. The temperatures are so unseasonably warm that beaches will be opening early this year. “It’ll […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl

February 4, 2019 Andrew

MIAMI, FL After a dreadful half-time performance by crap-band Maroon 5 at Super Bowl LIII, the National Football League has announced that “from now on, the only entertainment you’re gonna get is a few old […]

Unger Suspicion

Jennifer Lawrence to Star in ‘The Unger Games’

January 29, 2019 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Superstar Jennifer Lawrence is planning to take a break from her blockbuster career by staring in a small independent Mennonite film tentatively titled, ‘The Unger Games.’ “It was time I got back in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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