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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mannanites Excited for “Vinta Olympics”

February 4, 2022 Andrew

BEIJING, CHINA Mannanites around the globe are excited for the 2022 Vinta Olympics, which they hope will be a nice distraction from “all the political stuff yet.” The 2022 event will feature a number of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winklerites Furious as Morden Woman Elected Leader

February 3, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A massive crowd of pickup trucks gathered at the Co-op in Winkler tonight to protest the selection of “a woman from Morden yet” as leader of the Conservatives. “Oba, nay, not Morden once […]

The Daily Bonnet

Oma Krahn Variant BA.2 to Be Named “Opa Krahn”

January 31, 2022 Andrew

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND Scientists announced in a press conference in Geneva this afternoon that the new Oma Krahn variant BA.2 would be known as Opa Krahn. “We talked to Oma and she said she was more […]

The Daily Bonnet

Daily Bonnet Book Mysteriously Discovered in Fiction Section

January 24, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Annie Loewen of Saskatoon was eager to spend her Christmas money at her local McNally Robinson Booksellers this weekend, but had real trouble finding that Daily Bonnet book anywhere. “I looked all over […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Women Concerned Daughter Might Be In Some Sort of Cult

January 22, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After seeing a number of “concerning social media postings” in the past few days, Mrs. Dierdre Janzen, 71, of Fresno has consulted with the elder board and determined that her daughter Audrey is […]

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