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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Caught Watching Figure Skating

February 15, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Mr. Noah Eby of Kitchener had to quickly change the channel and pretend to be watching politicians yell at each other, after his wife Mary walked in on him during the pair skating […]

The Daily Bonnet

Morden to Pass Winkler in Population By the Year 2056

February 14, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN, MB At the current rate, Manitoba’s fastest growing city, Morden, will pass rival community Winkler in population by the year 2056, the same year that Mennonite astronauts are set to colonize Jupiter. “Just do […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Amazing Facts About Mennonites According to the 2021 Census

February 12, 2022 Andrew

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Truckers Now Honking in Fluent Plautdietsch

February 9, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Linguists at the University of Southern La Crete have finally uncovered the hidden language behind the incessant honking of horns heard in cities across Canada: Low German. “I know it may sounds like […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mannanites Excited for “Vinta Olympics”

February 4, 2022 Andrew

BEIJING, CHINA Mannanites around the globe are excited for the 2022 Vinta Olympics, which they hope will be a nice distraction from “all the political stuff yet.” The 2022 event will feature a number of […]

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