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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg’s Biggest Bach Fan Now Totally Baroque

April 8, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Middle school music teacher Anne Martens has gone totally baroque this week attending concerts all over the city. “My mother always warned me this would happen if I didn’t watch out,” said Martens. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Wall Family of La Crete Honoured to Have NYC Street Named After Them

April 5, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The Walls of way up in La Crete, Alberta attended a special ceremony in New York City this week as a prominent street in lower Manhattan was named in their honour. “Greetings […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ovechkin Accidentally Passes the Puck

April 1, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC On the verge of breaking the all-time goal-scoring record in the NHL, Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals, accidentally passed the puck last night. “Ugh, an assist,” said Ovechkin. “What the hell am […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Really Looking Forward to Violating One of the Core Tenets of their Faith By Voting in Upcoming Election

March 23, 2025 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Thousands of Canadian Mennonites are really looking forward to ridding themselves of one of the foundational doctrines of their faith by voting in the upcoming federal election. “I guess it’s that time again,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Astronauts Return to Earth After 9 Months Trapped in Conversation at Mennonite Couple’s Doorway

March 18, 2025 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Butch and Suni have finally returned home, after nine long months trapped in conversation at the Klassen’s doorway in the tiny Mennonite town of Rosthern, Saskatchewan. “There’s always a risk when you send […]

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