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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show

February 10, 2026 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Millions of Americans were visibly upset this weekend after they had to sit through the Super Bowl’s first ever all-Plautdietsch halftime show. “Nobody understood a word of it,” said President Donald Trump. “It […]

The Daily Bonnet

Theatres Empty for New Documentary About My Taunte Lina

January 31, 2026 Andrew

NEW KLEETHAL, MB Despite a more than $75 million bribe paid to the local farm implements dealership to host the film, the new documentary about my Taunte Lina has proven to be a huge flop. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Delighted to Receive Gently Used Nobel Peace Prize

January 18, 2026 Andrew

CORN, OK Area woman Susie Driedger, 73, was delighted to receive a gently used Nobel Peace Prize this week, which she plans to shred into pieces and use as a Brillo pad. “It has hardly […]

The Daily Bonnet

Word Bird Gives Fred Penner Plautdietsch Word

January 15, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Producers were scrambling on the set of Fred Penner’s Place this week after the beloved children’s entertainer was given the Low German word “gnurpel” by the Word Bird. “Waut de schissjat is going […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Worried Trump May Try to Capture Her Essential Oils

January 4, 2026 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area woman Alexis Siemens, 33, has gone into hiding this weekend after she heard Trump was trying to take control of the nation’s essential oil supply. “No more Bible studies/essential oil sales parties […]

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