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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Worried Trump May Try to Capture Her Essential Oils

January 4, 2026 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area woman Alexis Siemens, 33, has gone into hiding this weekend after she heard Trump was trying to take control of the nation’s essential oil supply. “No more Bible studies/essential oil sales parties […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top 10 Unger Review Articles of 2025

January 1, 2026 Andrew

Thanks, everyone, for a great year. I have some exciting (real) news in the coming weeks so stay tuned. In the meantime, here is some fake news for you. Here are the top 10 most […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fancy City Mennonites Excited for their Giant Paper Bags Filled with Edamame

December 25, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Blame allergies or changing tastes, but the Mennonites of Winnipeg have now decided to fill paper bags filled with edamame instead of peanuts this year. “We’re also offering macadamia and pine nuts,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quiz Time! Real News or Satire? 2025 Edition

December 24, 2025 Andrew

I used to do this annual quiz on the Daily Bonnet and I figured it was time to return to that tradition. So here it is, the annual news vs. satire quiz. Perfect to occupy […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Pastor Stocks up for Communion

December 19, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Pastor Pete noticed the church was running low on Welch’s this week and decided to take the truck over to the superstore for some non-alcoholic communion juice. “I’m also stocking up in Ritz […]

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