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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Launches New Line of $99 NFT Trading Cards

December 26, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC When Pastor Randy hinted at a ‘major announcement’ this upcoming Sunday, everyone thought it was going to be either a resignation or pregnancy, but instead Pastor Randy unveiled an amazing new series of […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Wears Steel Toe Boots to Church

December 19, 2022 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB In an abundance of caution, Mr. Plett has taken to wearing his steel toe boots everywhere he goes, including church. “I’m a Mennonite, so of course I don’t care about safety recommendations,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Elon Musk Buys Mennonite Church, Appoints Himself Pastor

November 2, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Elon Musk is on a buying spree it seems, as reports out of Fresno, California this week indicate the billionaire has recently purchased the local MB church, fired all the staff, and appointed […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable

October 29, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable. “I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Vows Never Again to Ask English Prof to Read the Children’s Story

October 26, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB All the children ages 3 to 11 at East Winnipeg MBCC church were called up to the front for the children’s story this Sunday morning, when renowned CMU English professor Dr. Leroy Klippenstein […]

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