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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Man Gets Totally Hammered on Welch’s Grape Juice

July 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In an effort to discourage drunkenness, many Mennonite churches in the Hanover area have replaced wine with non-alcoholic grape juice during monthly communion services. Yet, somehow, every communion Sunday, local dentist, Elbert W. Berg, 41, is […]

Unger Suspicion

Trey Parker and Matt Stone Convert to Mormonism

July 7, 2016 Andrew

SALT LAKE CITY, UT South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have felt the burning in the bosom and have decided to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In addition to […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Man Peter Penner Picks a Peck of Pickled Peppers

July 6, 2016 Andrew

PANSY, MB Pastor Peter Penner of Pansy has been pruning his peppers and is now prepared to pick a peck of them. “It’s not often you pick a peck of peppers and they’re pre-pickled,” said Penner. […]

Unger & Thirst

City of Winkler to Abandon the Metric System in Favour of Ice Cream Pail Method

July 4, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Beginning this fall, residents of Winkler will be forced to measure everything in the traditional Mennonite manner – the ice cream pail. In a 5-2 vote, Winkler city council decided to ban the […]

Unger & Thirst

Banquet-Goers Wowed By Yet Another Chicken Kiev Meal

July 3, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Long a staple of corporate banquets, graduation dinners, and wedding receptions, attendees at a Winnipeg retirement banquet on Monday were wowed by the impressive chicken Kiev dish they received. “When I looked down […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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