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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

New Winkler Costco to Open Up on West End of Winnipeg

February 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler is finally getting its own Costco store, which will be conveniently located just an hour and a half away in Winnipeg. “Finally, Winkler’s getting a Costco!” proclaimed local man John Penner. “It’s […]

Unger the Influence

Master Negotiator Donald Trump to Give Putin Whatever the Hell He Wants

February 13, 2025 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA US President Donald Trump is known for his incredible negotiating prowess, which has been on full display this week with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. “No one could have done it but me. No […]

Unger Games

Hutterite Colony Team to Join NHL’s 4 Nations Face-Off

February 12, 2025 Andrew

BAKER COLONY, MB After dominating play throughout southern Manitoba in recent years, a Hutterite women’s hockey team has signed on as a last minute addition to the NHL’s 4 Nations Face-Off. “We’re calling it 5 […]

Unger Conviction

Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Hymn 606

February 10, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Things got pretty heated at a Toronto church this Sunday morning after a group of Mennonites started booing right in the middle of Hymn 606. “It’s the Mennonite anthem, right?” said attendee Jakob […]

Unger Games

Canadian Hockey Player Suspended for Calling Opponent ‘American’

February 8, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON With the trade war heating up things are getting testy, even at the rink. Last month a player was suspended for calling another player a Mennonite and now defenceman Brian Wiebe of Leamington […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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