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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Eye New Colony in Antarctica

October 3, 2017 Andrew

GRYTVIKEN, ANTARCTICA After running out of room and finding sin all over the Americas, thousands of Mennonites are now seriously considering relocating to the last un-inhabited place on earth: Antarctica. “The Devil found us in […]

Unger Suspicion

Stash of Sears Catalogues Discovered Under Hugh Hefner’s Mattress

October 2, 2017 Andrew

HOLMBY HILLS, CA Days after the world’s most famous misogynist Hugh Hefner passed away at the age of 91, cleaning staff at the Playboy Mansion found a large stash of 1970s Sears catalogues beneath the […]

Unger Suspicion

Donald Dueck Marries Daisy, Cousin Mickey Not Invited

October 2, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB After a long courtship that included numerous lovely swims through the local gravel pit, Donald Dueck, 25, of Kleefeld, and his fiance Daisy, 22, finally tied the knot in a small ceremony at an […]

Unger Suspicion

Burton Cummings to Donate His Moustache to Charity

October 1, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Legendary Canadian rocker Burton Cummings is set to become a little bit lighter this weekend after agreeing to shave his signature moustache and auction it off for charity. “We’re thinking his moustache could […]

Unger & Thirst

What the Heck is a “Mennonite Raised Chicken”?

September 30, 2017 Andrew

A Daily Bonnet reader was gracious enough to share this photograph taken at her local market. Apparently, there’s something so special about “Mennonite raised chicken” that people are willing to pay a premium for it. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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