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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

A Mennonite Guide to Earning Your Salvation

June 2, 2017 Andrew

New documents published by Conrad Grebel in the early 1500s have finally put to rest the age-old Mennonite question of how to go about earning your place in Heaven. While Calvinists believe that some people are […]

Unger Suspicion

Wonder Woman’s True Identity Revealed as Nice Mennonite Gal from Rosenort

June 1, 2017 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB For years millions of people have puzzled themselves about the true identity of the tiara-wearing woman who rounds up villians with the Lasso of Truth and defends the helpless with the power of her magic bracelets. As it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Horseshoes-Related Injuries Soar in 2017

June 1, 2017 Andrew

MARCHAND, MB After a slow summer last year with less than twenty concussions and two fatalities, the number of horseshoes-related injuries has soared to record heights in Manitoba this spring. If the pace continues, it […]

Unger & Thirst

Justin Trudeau to Legalize Rhubarb Platz

May 31, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After decades of pressure from platz-users across Canada, the Trudeau government has announced it will introduce legislation to regulate and sell rhubarb platz by the end of the year. “This is a great […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Renews Her Vows to Facebook

May 30, 2017 Andrew

VICTORIA, BC Local woman and loyal social media user Alice Loewen, now retired and living on Vancouver Island, has decided to renew her vows to Facebook on their ten year anniversary. “I love Facebook as much […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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