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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Can’t Figure Out Whether to Go to Winkler or Morden Chicken Chef

May 17, 2017 Andrew

CHORTITZ, MB Local couple Agnes and Peter Thiessen were left in quite the quandary when trying to figure out which Chicken Chef to go to after church this past Sunday. “Normally we go to the […]

Unger & Thirst

Which Mennonite Grandma is the Best Cook?

May 16, 2017 Andrew

Let’s face it, absolutely everybody claims that their own grandma is the best cook in the world. To settle this debate once and for all, The Daily Bonnet has travelled across Canadian Mennonite country sampling […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Population Completely Unaffected by Global Cyberattack

May 15, 2017 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN While millions of internet-users around the world were afflicted by the largest cyberattack in history this weekend, anthropologists have discovered a small group of people, affectionately known as “Mennonites,” who, for some reason, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Discovers Suspenders Are No Good for Bungee Jumping

May 15, 2017 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Local man Darrel P. Friesen, 41, discovered the hard way that your typical Mennonite suspenders from Wal-Mart are completely insufficient to use for bungee jumping. Mr. Friesen somehow managed to survive the fall, but […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Claps Along to Worship Song

May 14, 2017 Andrew

“Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.” – W.B. Yeats WINKLER, MB The Winkler EBBM Church was sent into a tizzy this past Sunday after local woman Sarah Martens […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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