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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Frugal Mennonites Gather in Most Expensive Country in the World

May 29, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND David Yoder was excited to return to the land of his ancestors this week for the Anabaptism 500-year anniversary, but as soon as he arrived, he got the sneaking suspicion that things must […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Gather in Zurich for Anabaptist 500

May 28, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND It’s the most anticipated race of the past five centuries. This week, thousands of Mennonites will gather in Switzerland and race through Zurich in the exhilarating Anabaptist 500. “Of course, we’re not using […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gives Throne Speech

May 27, 2025 Andrew

TABER, AB Area man Roger Goertzen, 46, was so aghast at the videos he was watching on TikTok this afternoon that he started yelling through the door at anyone who was in proximity to hear. […]

Unger Suspicion

Harvard Restores Funding After Record-Setting Quilt Auction

May 25, 2025 Andrew

CAMBRIDGE, MA After having its funding dramatically reduced in recent weeks, Harvard University has had to result to a tried and true method of raising money – a Mennonite-style quilt auction. “At this point, we […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Hymn Wins Eurovision Song Contest

May 23, 2025 Andrew

BASEL, SWITZERLAND A seventeenth century German hymn popular with Mennonites has won the 2025 Eurovision song contest. “Normally, we only accept newly-written songs, but we figured this one had enough age on it that we […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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