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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Katy Perry Attempts to Make Out with the Wrong Prime Minister

October 13, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Pop superstar Katy Perry was spotted in what looked like some level of embrace with another former Canadian Prime Minister this week. “I don’t know what came over me,” said Perry. “I guess […]

Unger & Thirst

Silly Americans Don’t Even Realize it’s Thanksgiving

October 12, 2025 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 million Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who has been […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Signs Two-Year $25 Thousand Extension with Local Church

October 11, 2025 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Just days after Connor McDavid closed a deal with the Oilers, local youth pastor Collin Martens inked a two-year $25,000 extension with WestEast Edmonton Mennonite Church. “We had to wait and see what […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize

October 10, 2025 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi

October 8, 2025 Andrew

MOOSOMIN, SK Area man Bob Sawatzky took just 5 hours to pass a semi on the highway this week, the fastest time ever recorded by a Mennonite. “I figured he was going 100,” said Bob, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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