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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

New Jurassic Park Movie Climaxes with Explosive Debate in Morden Over Existence of Dinosaurs

July 27, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN, MB In the new reboot of the Jurassic Park franchise, producers have decided to set the movie in Morden and include the most intimidating villain of all time, a group of zealous fundamenalists trying […]

Unger & Thirst

Epic Fail as Mennonite Woman Tries to Make Schmaunt Fat with Skim Milk

July 26, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Martens was in a hurry this afternoon and didn’t have time to extract the necessary cream from her dairy cow Daisy. Instead, she made her schmaunt fat using the skim milk she […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Pastors Make Statement With ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’ T-Shirts

July 25, 2025 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Fed up with meagre salaries that barely pay the rent, Mennonite pastors across the nation have been sporting snazzy new T-shirts as a form of protest. “It’s bad enough he’s wearing such casual […]

Unger Suspicion

Deceased Mennonite Man Shocked to Encounter Ozzy Osbourne

July 24, 2025 Andrew

HEAVEN Pastor David Thiessen, who passed away more than 30 years ago, was shocked to discover that heavy metal icon Ozzy Osbourne had joined him in Heaven this week. “I’m more than a little surprised, […]

Unger Conviction

Monsanto Buys Naming Rights to Mennonite Church

July 23, 2025 Andrew

FRIEDRICHSTAHL, KS With church funds at an all-time low, the Friedrichstahl Mennonite Church was desperate to fund their new church expansion. That’s why controversial agrochemical giant Monsanto decided, out of the generosity of their hearts, to step […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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