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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Mark Carney Drops Out of All-Important Plautdietsch Leadership Debate

April 12, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Liberal leader Mark Carney has significantly hurt his chances in La Crete, Winkler, Aylmer this week after dropping out of the Plautdietsch leadership debate. “Meanwhile, I’ve been brushing up on my Plautdietch […]

Unger Games

White House Announces Massive New Tariff on Sydney Crosby

April 11, 2025 Andrew

PITTSBURGH, PA It may have been temporarily paused for now, but this week the White House announced a 87% reciprocal tariff on all penguins, including hockey superstar Sydney Crosby. “Yeah, well I guess this is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wakes Up Bright and Early to Get in a Full Day of Quality Puttering

April 10, 2025 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Retired cheesemaker Earl Froese, 71, got up bright and early this morning, not wanting to waste a single moment. “I’ve got a full day ahead of me,” said Froese. “There’s a lot […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg’s Biggest Bach Fan Now Totally Baroque

April 8, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Middle school music teacher Anne Martens has gone totally baroque this week attending concerts all over the city. “My mother always warned me this would happen if I didn’t watch out,” said Martens. […]

Unger the Influence

Politicians Eager to Dupe Mennonites into Thinking they Support Mennonite Values

April 7, 2025 Andrew

WAUTDESCHISSJAT, SK Politicians across Canada are eagerly courting the Mennonite vote by wording things in such a way that sounds kind of Mennonite when they say it. “I’m not actually changing my policies at all, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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