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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Offers Free Cybertruck to Any Left-wingers Willing to Stay on Twitter

April 18, 2022 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Left-of-centre Twitter users have threatened to leave the platform en masse if the Elon Musk takeover goes through. In an effort to placate the angry crowd, Musk has offered users a free […]

Unger & Thirst

Hundreds of Horrified Mennonites Served ‘Pasta’ for Easter Sunday after Kitchen Mixup

April 17, 2022 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Hundreds of Groenings, Kliewers, and Olferts were looking forward to a delicious serving of lemony buns with sweet icing this Sunday afternoon. However, a mishap in the kitchen resulted in the serving […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Child Wondering Why We’re Singing All These Songs About Calgary this Time of Year

April 16, 2022 Andrew

OSLER, SK Easter is a confusing time for Mennonite children across the Canadian prairies as, for some reason, we’re all singing songs about Calgary, Alberta again. One such affected child is little Lisa Braun, 9, […]

Unger & Thirst

Road Closures Cut Off Paska Supply

April 15, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Inclement spring weather has meant the closure of a number of highways that are essential to maintaining the flow of paska into the region. “Highway 75 is closed today, sealing Mennonites off from […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man to Open Massive Backyard Poultry Operation in Winnipeg

April 14, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Moments after the City of Winnipeg announced plans to allow for “backyard chickens,” Corny Wiebe bought quota for a 10,000-bird chicken operation, which he plans to open on his North Kildonan property. “Finally […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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