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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

How to Be a Performative Mennonite Male in 5 Easy Steps

December 18, 2025 Andrew

If you want to attract a Mennonite woman, say at CMU or SBC or CBC or Goshen College or FPU, etc. there are just a few things you’re going to need.

The Daily Bonnet

Carney Called Out for Utilizing ‘Plaudietsch’ Spelling

December 17, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It’s the biggest scandal to hit the Carney government yet – spelling. In this case, Prime Minister Mark Carney sent out several memos in which he spelled everything in Plautdietsch. “And the worst […]

Unger & Thirst

All Steinbach Restaurants to Serve Nothing but Pizza from Now On

December 16, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB “If there’s one thing Steinbach lacks, it’s pizza restaurants,” said local man Mr. Bueckert. “I mean, if I want to order pizza I need at least thirty or forty options rather than the […]

Unger the Influence

Liberals Just One Mennonite MP Away from Majority Government

December 15, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With several defections in the last few weeks, the Liberals are now just one Mennonite MP away from a majority government and, of course, they’re looking for MPs who might be receptive to […]

Unger Games

Untimely Victory Throws Jets Off Pace of Being Just as Pathetic as Vancouver by Christmas

December 14, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A shocking 5-1 win over Washington last night has really put a damper on the Winnipeg Jets’ plan of being at least as bad as Vancouver by Christmas. “We’re going to have to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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