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Month: February 2025

Unger Conviction

Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Hymn 606

February 10, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Things got pretty heated at a Toronto church this Sunday morning after a group of Mennonites started booing right in the middle of Hymn 606. “It’s the Mennonite anthem, right?” said attendee Jakob […]

Unger Games

Canadian Hockey Player Suspended for Calling Opponent ‘American’

February 8, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON With the trade war heating up things are getting testy, even at the rink. Last month a player was suspended for calling another player a Mennonite and now defenceman Brian Wiebe of Leamington […]

Unger & Thirst

$80 Million Carton of Eggs Smashes Record in Sotheby’s Auction

February 7, 2025 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY A totally normal carton of eggs sold for a record $80 million plus buyer’s premium in a Sotheby’s auction this week, smashing the previous record of $4.50. “I’ve never seen anything like […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Welcomes New Law Firm ‘Friesen Froese Harder’

February 6, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites across Manitoba are excited about the new law firm Friesen Froese Harder that just opened up this week on Henderson Highway. “It was minus 35 on the day of our grand opening,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Patriotic Canadian to Disassemble All His Furniture and Replace the Screws with Robertsons

February 4, 2025 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area man Garth Eby, 39, has just begun a yearlong project to dissemble every stitch of furniture in his house and replace all the screws with Robertsons. “I’m starting with the kitchen cabinets, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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