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Month: June 2022

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Supreme Court Rules Life Begins at Baptism

June 25, 2022 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The Mennonite Supreme Court in Zurich ruled 5-4 this weekend that “life begins at baptism around the age of 18 just before you get married.” “If you’re not a baptized member of the […]

Unger & Thirst

Millennials Completely Priced Out of Avocado Toast Market

June 24, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Soaring avocado prices coupled with high interest rates have priced many millennials in the Kitchener Waterloo area right out of the avocado toast market. “We were looking at a 30-year mortgage just for […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Under the Impression that Opening a Few Windows Will Cool Things Down in Here

June 23, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Despite soaring temperatures, Mrs. Kroeker of Winkler is under the impression that opening a few windows should do the trick. “Air conditioning? Waut de hunt!” exclaimed Mrs. Kroeker. “In my day we didn’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Hungover Mennonite Woman Insists “It’s Only Covid”

June 22, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Eleanor Driedger, 61, of Saskatoon had a little too much to drink at the lady’s Bible study and wine event last night, but refused to admit she’d come down with a hangover this […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada and Denmark Reach Settlement Over Disputed Nikolaj Ehlers

June 21, 2022 Andrew

COPENHAGEN, DENMARK Years of feuding appears to be over after the governments of Canada and Denmark have agreed to stop putting flags on Winnipeg Jets superstar Nikolaj Ehlers and instead draw a line down the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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