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Month: April 2022

Unger & Thirst

Despite Renovations Steinbach Sobeys Will Always Be Penner Foods to Me: A Love Story

April 10, 2022 Andrew

I first met Penner Foods when I was a wee pants schieter, my legs kicking in the child seat of the cold medal grocery cart, my hands never as firmly gripped to the red handle as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Andrew Unger Slowly Becoming Rudy Wiebe

April 9, 2022 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Fledgling Mennonite writer Andrew Unger woke up this morning and realized that somehow, somewhere along the way, he began to look exactly like literary icon Rudy Wiebe. “I guess it was a subconscious […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jant Sied Story Takes Home Top Prize at Mennonite Oscars

April 8, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The annual Mennonite Oscars and Faspa were held in the MB church basement in Winkler this afternoon, with the top prize going to the epic Anabaptist musical Jant Sied Story. “It’s a tale […]

The Daily Bonnet

Which Mennonite Colleges and Universities Made the ‘Final Four’?

April 7, 2022 Andrew

BLUFFTON, OH Every spring, Mennonite post-secondary institutions gather in Bluffton, Ohio to drink decaf and argue about seemingly trivial differences in theology. The event begins with dozens of school, but eventually the best debaters make […]

Unger Suspicion

Liberals and NDP Merge to form “Giant Scary Socialist Robot from Outer Space”

April 6, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government has undergone a transformation this week and is now under the control of a huge ugly socialist robot from outer space. “OMG! Look, it’s Socialist Prime!” tweeted concerned citizen Mr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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