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Month: May 2021

The Daily Bonnet

Fully Vaccinated Mennonites Can Remove their Bonnets in Public

May 14, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In a press conference at the White House today President Joe Biden announced that starting next week fully-vaccinated Mennonites will be allowed to remove their bonnets in all public places. “And the men […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers Excited to Have “Shots at the Legion”

May 13, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Ever since it was announced that the old Legion Building on Elm would be the spot of a new vaccine supersite, Steinbachers have been eager to book their time to go for shots […]

Unger Suspicion

“I Can’t Believe the Mormons Have that Extra Holy Book,” Says Christian Man Who Literally Worships the US Constitution

May 12, 2021 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND Local man and constitution-worshipper Henry Unger says he just “can’t believe the Mormons have all these extra holy books that they added centuries later.” For Unger, it’s just the Old Testament, New […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fact Check: Are you more likely to die from Dutch Blitz than a shark attack?

May 11, 2021 Andrew

Time for another instalment of the Daily Bonnet Fact Check, where we scour the Internet to confirm or deny commonly held beliefs about Mennonites. So, today we’re going to tackle a big one: Is it […]

Unger Conviction

Tim Tebow Signs with Mennonite Church, but Not as QB

May 10, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Famed Evangelical Christian quarterback Tim Tebow has signed a new deal with the North South Side Mennonite Church of Goshen, Indiana to serve as Associate Pastor. “Pastor Jim will be quarterbacking this congregation […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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