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Month: July 2020

The Daily Bonnet

Economical Mennonite Woman’s Been Using the Same Mask Since This Whole Thing Started

July 26, 2020 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Mrs. Thiessen, 73, of Rosenort is renowned throughout the Scratching River Settlement for her tremendous ability to “do more with less.” This includes using the very same cheap disposable face mask her son […]

The Daily Bonnet

Masks Needed to Protect Residents During the Axe Body Spray Outbreak of 2020

July 25, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB After an outbreak of Axe body spray in shopping malls, schools, and church lobbies over the last few months, residents of Taber, Alberta have been asked to wear protective masks to shield themselves […]

Unger Conviction

MKs Totally Destroy PKs in First Annual Church Kid Olympics

July 24, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB MKs from across the world flew into Winnipeg this month, and after quarantining for two weeks, were ready to “absolutely destroy” the team of PKs who had been assembled for the first annual […]

Unger & Thirst

Introducing the Seattle Knackin’

July 23, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Eager to win over some hockey fans in the Fraser Valley from the Vancouver Canucks, the owners of the NHL’s latest misguided attempt at making hockey work in a non-hockey market have decided […]

Unger Conviction

Local Bible School Offers Degree in Inspirational Meme Creation

July 22, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pembina Valley Bible School has just introduced a new three-year certificate in ‘Inspirational Meme Creation’. PVBS students will be taught how to select a sunset and where to place the Joel Osteen quote. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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