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Month: April 2019

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Finally Returns His Empties

April 20, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After accumulating ten years worth of empties in his unfinished basement, local man Carl Toews, finally decided it was time to return them and get his 5 cent per bottle deposit. “Most Mennonites […]

The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Debate About ‘Eternal Security’ Results in the Condemnation of Millions

April 19, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB What started as an innocent conversation between a Mennonite and a Calvinist on “eternal security” quickly became the greatest mass condemnation of people since the Spanish Inquisition. “I just started off by posting a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Writes Cheque for 63 Cents

April 18, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local woman Ruth Kehler, 76, didn’t have the cash with her to pay for the purchase of used margarine containers at Mrs. Wiebe’s garage sale. Thankfully, however, she had her credit union cheque […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Come Late to Church and Have to Settle for Front Row

April 17, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The Driedgers of Saskatoon had a pretty hectic morning this Sunday when the toaster didn’t work, the hot water tank blew up and they just had to squeeze in a quick meddachschlop right […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Sneak In Quick Meddachschlop During Second Intermission

April 16, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Earl Klassen normally stocks up on beer and pretzels during the intermission, but for some reason tonight he felt compelled to flop down on the master bed and take a nap […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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