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The Daily Bonnet

Ovechkin Accidentally Passes the Puck

April 1, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC On the verge of breaking the all-time goal-scoring record in the NHL, Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals, accidentally passed the puck last night. “Ugh, an assist,” said Ovechkin. “What the hell am […]

Unger Suspicion

Philadelphia Flyers Shore Up Blue Line By Signing Patriarch Kirill of Moscow

January 19, 2023 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA In a surprise move this afternoon, the Broad Street Bullies have inked Patriach Kirill of Moscow to play alongside Ivan Provorov and Gritty on the blue line. “We felt that young Provorov just […]

Unger Suspicion

Zalenskky First Ever Satirist Not Too Chicken Shit to Go Into Politics

March 1, 2022 Andrew

KYIV, UKRAINE A new survey has found that 99% of satirists were perfectly content to sit behind a keyboard and mock politicians but basically none had the courage to actually do something about the problems […]

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