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The Daily Bonnet

Grandkids Horrified as Grandma Reimer Texts “I’m Mennonite AF”

June 5, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Mrs. Reimer, 68, of Manitoba Colony was very excited to try out the new iPhone she just got and was immediately impressed by how easy it was to use. “You don’t even have […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastors Release New ‘Tracing App’ that Tracks How Much Time You’ve Spent Reading the Bible

May 30, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Concerned pastors in the Abbotsford area have hired a local tech firm to create an app that traces how much contact each member of their congregation has had with the Word of God. […]

Unger & Thirst

“Is Zoom a Sin?” and Other Frequently Searched Phrases of 2020

May 19, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX A new study out of the University of Seminole suggests that the average North American has gained at least twenty pounds and lost a full twenty IQ points since the beginning of the […]

Unger Suspicion

World Breathes Collective Sigh of Relief as Zoom Goes Down

May 17, 2020 Andrew

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS Billions of human beings around the globe received a temporary reprieve from incessant Zoom meetings this weekend after the app went out of commission. “Well, praise the Lord! This must have been divine […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Holds Potluck Via Zoom

April 12, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Hungry Mennonites in Winkler, Manitoba gathered around their computers this afternoon and logged into Zoom for the bi-monthly church potluck. “Oba, would you look at what Mrs. Friesen brought!” said Mrs. Doerksen. “Bean […]

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