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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Kids Forced to Recite Poem in Order to Get Christmas Present

December 17, 2024 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Young Steven Froese of Rosetown found himself without a poem or Bible verse to share at the gathering this Christmas, which resulted in the six-year-old going home completely empty handed. “Ugh, I guess […]

Unger Suspicion

Amazon Introduces New Premium ‘Two Weeks Late’ Delivery Option

December 15, 2024 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Starting this week, Amazon will be offering a new option to have your package delivered at least two weeks late. “Or more,” said CEO Jeff Bezos. “It’s always been our goal to deliver […]

Unger the Influence

Canada to Exchange Jordan Peterson for Noam Chomsky

December 14, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Canada’s leading right wing intellectual Jordan Peterson will be heading south this week in exchange for Noam Chomsky. “They were eager to get rid of Chomsky, and we could do without Peterson,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Treasure Trove of Frozen Treats Discovered in Deceased Grandma’s Freezer

December 13, 2024 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Derek Wiens, 42, was helping clean up his Oma’s apartment building this week when he stumbled upon an entire freezer packed to the brim with frozen treats. “It’s like she was reaching across […]

Unger Suspicion

Police Arrest the Wrong Luigi

December 12, 2024 Andrew

ALTOONA, PA A nationwide manhunt has ended in the arrest of a tall handsome moustachioed plumber named Luigi. “I’m innocent, I tell you, innocent,” yelled Luigi as he was taken into custody by Altoona police/koopa […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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