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Unger Conviction

Dozens of Mennonites Take Ill On Stale Communion Crackers

July 21, 2025 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Nearly thirty congregants at the local Mennonite church had to go home early this Sunday after partaking in communion with some pretty sketchy looking crackers. “We’ve been using the same box of crackers […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Hires Coldplay to Help Spot the Sinners

July 20, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Attendees at a local Mennonite church will be on their best behaviour from now on as the church has blown their entire budget to hire English rock band Coldplay to help identify […]

Unger Suspicion

Reluctant Steinbachers Lured into Winnipeg with Lower Gas Prices

July 19, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB This summer, the City of Winnipeg has been luring hesitant rural folks into the big city the only way they know how – knocking 20 cents off at the gas pump. “I feel […]

The Daily Bonnet

CEO Caught With Mennonite Woman In His Arms

July 18, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON 83-year-old Taunte Liza of Leamington has finally caught herself a catch. This according to the rumours being spread on the prayer chain this week. “I peeked into the church one afternoon and saw […]

The Daily Bonnet

Contestants Stumped as 2 Mennonite Mayors Appear in Jeopardy! Clue

July 17, 2025 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC A Jeopardy! clue this past week has made two Mennonite mayors world famous. Abbotsford mayor Ross Siemens and Winkler mayor Henry Siemens were mentioned in the clue, which had contestants stumped. “I couldn’t […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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