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The Daily Bonnet

CEO Caught With Mennonite Woman In His Arms

July 18, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON 83-year-old Taunte Liza of Leamington has finally caught herself a catch. This according to the rumours being spread on the prayer chain this week. “I peeked into the church one afternoon and saw […]

The Daily Bonnet

Contestants Stumped as 2 Mennonite Mayors Appear in Jeopardy! Clue

July 17, 2025 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC A Jeopardy! clue this past week has made two Mennonite mayors world famous. Abbotsford mayor Ross Siemens and Winkler mayor Henry Siemens were mentioned in the clue, which had contestants stumped. “I couldn’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Massive Art Heist Strikes Altona

July 16, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB It’s the biggest art heist in Canadian history as residents of Altona woke up this morning to discover their beloved giant Van Gogh had vanished. “I’m guessing it was the Funk boys with […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Discovers New Use for Ketchup

July 14, 2025 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB After 300 consecutive days consuming his glums vereniki with nothin but Taunte Lina’s schmaunt fat, area man Dave Kroeker, 41, decided to reach into the fridge for the French’s ketchup. “I don’t know […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Woman Denied Entry to Folk Festival for Failing to Wear Blundstones

July 13, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Samantha Kroeker, 38, was really looking forward to seeing Mavis Staples at Folk Fest this evening, but had to go back to Altona with her tail between her legs after she […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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