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Unger Suspicion

Dustin Byfuglien Retires from NHL to Work on Mennonite Farm

October 25, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mysteriously absent from the Winnipeg Jets lineup so far this season, rumours have surfaced that Dustin Byfuglien is contemplating retirement to pursue his lifelong dream of working for minimum wage on a Mennonite […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Sees Surge in ‘West Reserve Alienation’ After Election Results

October 24, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Residents of the former Mennonite West Reserve (or Jantsied as it’s more commonly known) have become increasingly disenchanted with the state of politics at the present day. This feeling of alienation is so […]

Unger Conviction

Church Meeting Delayed Four Hours Waiting for a Seconder

October 23, 2019 Andrew

DALLAS, OR The annual church meeting in Dallas, Oregon went into overtime this past Sunday after everyone was too reserved and shy to second the motion to accept the minutes from last year’s meeting. “As […]

Unger Suspicion

School Children in Waterloo, Ontario Required to Sing ABBA Song Every Morning

October 22, 2019 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Starting this fall, hundreds of students in Waterloo, Ontario have been singing a new anthem each morning at 9 o’clock. “First we take attendance and do the announcements, then the kids stand up […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Accidentally Cancel Out Each Other’s Vote

October 21, 2019 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB The Hieberts stopped by at the polls during their lunch break today intent on doubling the power of their votes by casting their ballots for the same candidate. “Normally we discuss this ahead […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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