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Unger Suspicion

School Accidentally Plays Sex Pistols Song Before Morning Announcements

June 19, 2025 Andrew

DOLPHIN, MB After months of controversy and debate, Dolphin School Trustee Pete Caflib has finally convinced his local school division to bring back the Royal Anthem. “Yeah, so I picked up a bunch of 45s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chatty Mennonite Woman Holds Elevator Door for a Record 5 Hours

June 17, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was a lineup stretching down the hallway this afternoon, as Mrs. Enns held the elevator door for “just a couple more minutes.” Well, those minutes soon became hours, as Mrs. Enns had […]

Unger Games

City Turns Every Available Flat Surface into Pickleball Courts

June 16, 2025 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The City of Calgary has recently unveiled a new plan to turn every bit of flat surface area in the city into pickleball courts. “Church parking lots, private driveways, significant stretches of Deerfoot […]

Unger the Influence

G7 Summit to Feature Crokinole Tournament

June 14, 2025 Andrew

KANANASKIS, AB After months of hostility and chaos across the globe, G7 leaders have decided to cool things down a little in Kananaskis with a nice friendly crokinole tournament. “And the winner gets Greenland,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Forklift Enlisted to Transport New Mennonite Book

June 13, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A brand new volume edited by scholar Rob Zacharias will take its place on library shelves alongside Martyrs Mirror, The Complete Writing of Menno Simons and Royden Loewen’s Blumenort book as the longest […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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