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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Musk Steals Church Split Idea from Mennonites

June 10, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After a highly publicized rift with the White House in recent weeks, Elon Musk has finally acknowledged the source of his schismatic idea. “As we all know, I’m not really an ideas man. […]

Unger the Influence

Trump to Reopen Alcatraz to Imprison Canadians

June 5, 2025 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA With the trade war heating up, Donald Trump recently announced he would be reopening Alcatraz with the sole purpose of imprisoning Canadians who’ve hurt his feelings on social media. “Cross the border […]

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Mennonite Woman Mentors Mark Carney on How to Bite His Tongue

May 7, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Gearing up for his first international visit to Washington, DC, Prime Minister Mark Carney took an intensive three week crash course in tongue-biting from someone who is a world renowned expert in the […]

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Area Man Can’t Figure Out Whether All the People Who Voted Differently than Him are Evil or Stupid

April 29, 2025 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC One area man is on a mission this afternoon to figure out whether people who saw things differently than him in the recent election are either utterly stupid or unredeemably evil. “About 58% […]

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Area Man Single-handedly Turns Tide of Election By Posting Meme

April 28, 2025 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Area man Richard Epp, 71, has single-handedly turned the tide of the entire federal election after posting a political meme that got three likes this afternoon. “Well, three likes and an angry face,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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