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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Church Attendance Takes Huge Hit After Pastor Excommunicates Anyone Who Doesn’t Reply to His Email

February 24, 2025 Andrew

CORN, OK Pastor Mark’s new “accountability and discipleship plan” has totally backfired, after not a single parishioner replied to his email asking them to keep track of their hours of Bible reading and service. “I’ve […]

Unger Conviction

They’ve Totally Changed All the Lyrics to 606

February 17, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA After opening up their hymnals for the first time in several years, parishioners at the Central Harrisonburg Mennonite Church were mortified to discover that they’d totally changed nearly every single word in the […]

Unger Conviction

Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Hymn 606

February 10, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Things got pretty heated at a Toronto church this Sunday morning after a group of Mennonites started booing right in the middle of Hymn 606. “It’s the Mennonite anthem, right?” said attendee Jakob […]

Unger Conviction

Area Man Devotes Himself to Memorizing “Jesus Wept” By End of the Year

February 3, 2025 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE Henderson resident Dave Buhler, 51, has resolved to dedicate the year 2025 to Bible memorization. “If I really put my mind to it, I think I can have ‘Jesus wept’ down pat by […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Form Committee to Change Lightbulb

January 29, 2025 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Third Mennonite Church of Goshen has had a burned-out lightbulb for more than three months, all due to the fact that members could not agree on how and when and who should […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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