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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Dunkers Switch to Pouring After Water Main Break in Calgary

June 8, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB All 7 Mennonite Brethren churches in Calgary have changed their mode of baptism this week after a main break significantly reduced water supply in the city. “We’re just doing our part,” said Pastor […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites to Spend ‘Pride Month’ Pretending to be Humble

June 4, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Concerned about the increase in pride during the month of June, several Mennonite churches in the area have vowed to really show off their humility this month instead. “No one’s as humble as […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Kicked Out of Church for Calling Pastor a ‘Wacko’

April 30, 2024 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man Peter Poetker, 43, was peacefully removed from the sanctuary this weekend after referring to Pastor Dave as a “total wacko” during a sermon on the Book of Revelation. “Once he got […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Empties Swear Jar to Support ‘My Coins Count’

April 23, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The kids at Hillside Mennonite Church in Winnipeg got an unexpected influx of coins during the ‘My Coins Count’ fundraiser this week. The surge in coinage is all thanks to Mr. Baerg and […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Hymn Reaches #1 After Inclusion on ‘Stranger Things’

April 10, 2024 Andrew

HAWKINS, IN A 19th century Mennonite hymn has reached #1 on the Billboard charts this week after it appeared in a particularly memorable scene of the hit Netflix series Stranger Things. “I never thought I’d […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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