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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Lukewarm Christian Has Only One Conservative Sign in His Yard

April 25, 2025 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Rumours are swirling this week after area man Dave Dueck demonstrated an insufficient level of enthusiasm for the Conservative Party of Canada. “Everyone else has Ted Falk signs popping up like weeds,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church’s Shocking Peace Plan Revealed in Group Chat

March 26, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A security blunder has revealed a Harrisonburg-area Mennonite church’s plans to spread peace and love in their community. “I can’t say who sent it to me,” said journalist Andrew Unger. “All I know […]

Unger Conviction

Church Dismantles Department of Sunday School Education, Citing High Cost of Flannelgraph Boards

March 25, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA The brand new pastor at North Harrisonburg Mennonite Church has taken the bold step of completely dismantling the entire Sunday school program, citing the high cost of flannelgraph boards, dry macaroni, and nontoxic […]

Unger Conviction

Friendly Bulletins Welcome Lonely Hymnal

March 21, 2025 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB A pair of friendly bulletins were the first to volunteer when Pastor Bob hinted that someone needed to reach out and keep that lonely unused hymnal company. “We’re a welcoming church,” said Pastor […]

Unger Conviction

Carney’s Speech Rated Just 2% More Exciting than Mennonite Pastor’s Sermon

March 20, 2025 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB University of La Crete Sociologist Dr. Pete Peters, who has spent more than 30 years studying audience engagement with public speakers, has found that Mark Carney’s speeches are a full 2% more exciting […]

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