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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Can Finally Start Her Christmas Shopping Now That It’s Snowed

November 20, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB This is the latest start to Christmas shopping ever for area woman Jessica Fehr. But there was just enough snow this week that Fehr was able to commence the journey. “Dietja,” said Fehr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite’ and 7 Other Terms You Didn’t Know were Slurs

November 19, 2024 Andrew

I’m not sure why it took the outside world so long to figure this out, but the word Mennonite is actually a highly offensive slur and should never be used. After all, like Anabaptist, the […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Blue Bombers to Relocate to Buffalo

November 18, 2024 Andrew

BUFFALO, NY After shitting the bed in the Grey Cup for three straight seasons, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers announced plans to move the entire team to the city of Buffalo, New York. “I prefer buffalo […]

Unger Games

Taylor Swift Takes the Stage Wearing Blue Bombers Jersey

November 17, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON International pop superstar Taylor Swift took to the stage in Toronto last night wearing a Winnipeg Blue Bombers jersey, apparently her boyfriend’s favourite team. “I’m not sure if this is good luck or […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Swifties to Exchange ‘Frintschoft’ Bracelets this Weekend

November 16, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Dozens of Mennonite Swifties have defied church orders and travelled from as far away as Aylmer and Leamington to attend a Taylor Swift concert in Toronto this weekend. “I’m going to hear about […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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