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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Taylor Swift Spotted on Kansas Farm in Full Mennonite Attire

October 1, 2023 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Just days after first hooking up with Kansas City football star Travis Kelce, pop star Taylor Swift has fully immersed herself  in Kansas Mennonite culture. “We knew it wouldn’t take long and she’d […]

Unger & Thirst

Residents Asked to Cut Down Rhubarb Plants to Stop Attracting Hungry Mennonites

September 29, 2023 Andrew

BANFF, AB After 51-year-old Harry Fast was discovered in Mrs. Fehr’s rhubarb patch this weekend, residents of Banff, Alberta are being asked to remove plants that will attract hungry Mennonites. “It’s simply not safe to […]

Headline Contest

Friesens Lose Handcuff Key After Sunday Meddachschlop

September 28, 2023 Andrew

Congrats to this week’s winner Bev Suderman-Gladwell! Every once in a while, The Unger Review will provide a photo in need of a headline. At the end of the week the top 3 headlines, as […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Introduces New ‘Dunkel’ Schmaunt Fat

September 27, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In what has already been hailed as the greatest innovation in Mennonite culinary history, area woman Lois Braun, 57, introduced a new dark, more robust schmaunt fat at the church potluck this week. […]

Unger the Influence

House Speaker Rota Utterly Bewildered During ‘Axis and Allies’ Game

September 26, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Moments after resigning his post as Speaker of the House, Liberal MP Anthony Rota was spotted in sweatpants at the weekly ‘Axis and Allies’ games night held at Justin Trudeau’s bachelor pad. “Wait, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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